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Question by JennaGirl21: My short story .. Opinions. Please and thanks. NEED HELP NOW!(:?
My whole life began and ended two years ago. I sat at the edge of the lake, like I do every morning. I starred off into the magnificent sunrise, thinking... Thinking about Jacob, I loved him so much but to no surprise we faded apart.
The day we met I had seemed like we knew each other for ages. Blind to everything in the world but him, this was truly love at first sight. I took one glance at him and knew he, Jacob, was the one I would spend the rest of my life with.
"Today," he said, "I will make this the most unforgettable day of your life." He grabbed my hand and sprinted out side to his old ford truck. "My lady," he gestured to the open door, helping me up. "Thank you very much," I thanked him with the happiest grin on my face. Leaping into the car, he handed me a blindfold, he insisted I put it on so that it was a surprise as to where he was taking me. It was a long drive, soon I was getting a little bit nervous, but as I heard his calming voice, immediately my nervousness was overcome by excitement.
The long drive soon ended as the car pulled off the road. I reached up about to remove the blindfold. "NO! Please don't do that Jasmine, it will ruin my surprise." I giggled to his seriousness but reluctantly I kept it on. He raced around the car to my door. As he opened the door I turned my body sideways to face him, with one strong gesture, he grabbed me around my waist and lifted me down to the ground. I was falling in love, and all I could do is stand there and smile. He grabbed my hand and led me down a path. Once we got to the bottom of this mysterious place, he lifted me up and carried me to a seat, where he then set my down. "Okay Jasmine, are you ready?" Not being able to speak, I just nodded my head.
I was breathless. I stood up and walked around, turning in a full 360. Nobody was in sight, just him and me. I was standing in a little beach house with no walls, just curtains for privacy. In the middle of there was and over sized hammock with a small nightstand next to it. But that was just the least of my amazement, it was stunning, the view. We were on a beach with warm, soft sand that stretched miles on either side of us. In front of us was the calm, beautiful, blue ocean meeting the multicolored horizon. Now that it was almost nightfall, the sky was absolutely breathtaking.
"Jacob. Oh my gosh! This is magnificent!" I exclaimed with joyful tears in my eyes. I ran over to him and swung my arms around him. He lifted me up and spun me around. "I'm so glad you like it." Jacob had a huge grin on his face! "I have something for you," he said so mysteriously, "I'll be right back though, it's in my truck." As he sprinted up to his truck I just stood their taking in the beauty.
When he came back he was in swim trunks, and a button down shirt. Holding a bikini in one hang and I towel in another he handed it to me. "Here, I thought we could have fun and go swimming, you can go change behind those curtains, I'll be waiting for you on the beach," and with that he walked out to give me privacy. I changed into the bikini and went outside to meet him.
After hours of swimming and splashing around in the water having fun it started to get dark, so he took my hand and we started walking down the beach. We were talking about everything and anything. Just laughing and having a good romantic time. After walking till one in the morning he drove me home, he told me we should do that again sometime. I agreed. After he left I fell asleep soundly, and dreamt about him that night.
The next couple days I didn't want to seem too anxious and call him, so I waited... The first time I called him, it went to voicemail, so I left him a message. After a week went by I called and I couldn't reach him. I was a little disappointed by then, but I didn't give up hope, I was determined to see him. Soon after a couple months went by, I tried any number under him name, not wanting to lose him. After six months I realized, I was probably never going to talk to him or see him ever again. I cried my eyes out for days, and became severely depressed after a while, it went so far that I didn't know what was going on around me and I was just planning on letting my life take its course, though I was wishing to die. I had just lost my first real love.
***
Vaguely I heard voices, I felt uncomfortable and out of place. I didn't understand where I was or what was going on. I was lying down, and I couldn't see, the bed was very stiff and cold. I felt like I couldn't move, nor could I understand what people were saying.
Where was I? The room it was simple; a bed, a chair and a sink. The walls were painted dark purple, rather dirty looking, and the floor was just plain wood. "Good morning Jasmine. How are today?" a young woman walked into the room and asked. I didn't know ho
REST OF STORY BELOW. THANKS.
"Hello. Umm, I'm good, thank you. Can you tell me wear I am please, and how do you know my name?" The most shocked look came across the women's face. "I, uh. Jasmine, hold on," and with the she took off out the door with tears in her eyes.
!!! THATS IT. THANKS. umm also what grade level do you think im writing at.. im in 8th grade.
Best answer:
Answer by poppy
im incredibly sorry but I'm not in the mood to read your story (hehe, rather lazy)
but seriously, this site is great cause you post your stories or any type of writing, really.
its a site like this, dedicated to just editing/criticizing the user's work. you get points by analyzing other people's work and can "unlock" reviews on your work with those points.
its a fairly professional community, everyone their seems like they know what they're talking about and offer good advice.
i suggest you post this there ! Especially if you're into writing and want to pursue it outside of school
www.urbis.com
edit: so i just checked that site out again for the first time in a while, it doesn't appear to be working right now lol...
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